Ritesh and Rita (All names are changed) had an arranged marriage. Rita’s family wanted a very rich guy earning 5-6 digit income with a good family background and somebody who was willing to let her pursue her career. They found Ritesh and his family fulfilling this criteria. Both families talked and the grooms family as usual echoed their excellent family background with high heads, they also talked about their liberal views, how they will treat the girl as their own child, how they never had problems with girl’s working and how they will support her. They belonged to family of doctors and everyone was a doctor in that family, the girl too had a medical background. The marriage ended in a divorce after some years of torture for the girl.
They had a grand marriage with full show off and celebrations after which they came to know that the girl loved some other guy and was forced into marrying him, she married him but their marriage never consummated as she was not willing to accept him as his husband due to shock. All hell broke loose later as she had begun to adjust in that family, the mother in law in spite of being a doctor said that the daughter should leave her medical practice and become a house wife, they forced her to leave the job, they physically tortured and abused her for dowry. They finally had a divorce after the girl could not take all this.
Another case of Aarti and Sachin where they got married with pomp and splendor since the boy belonged to a rich family and held high degrees, his family too being well-educated and so called sophisticated. After marriage they went for honeymoon and the girl came to know that the boy has an ongoing affair and also had affairs with other women as she found some proofs of that and on being confronted the boy told her that he never wanted to marry her and married due to being black-mailed and pressurized by parents. He will never love her and will continue to have affair with the other girl. His wife Aarti is still waiting that he will accept her someday as she does not have the courage to leave him.
One more case of Harsh and Harshita where both got married as Harshita found every quality in Harsh she wanted, the girl’s father wanted a rich husband with business background and they found Harsh’s family to be most suitable and fixed the marriage after all talks and confirmations of all sorts that their daughter will stay happily in that house, the marriage took place and what followed after it was shocking, the in-laws started torturing her for dowry inspite of being rich, they started abusing her parents, the boy tortured her mentally and physically making her do all house-hold chores etc. The married life is now in shambles and the girl has filed for divorce.
One case where a girl having an affair with a boy of other caste was forced to marry a boy in same caste with good background and good job found her life becoming miserable when he started physically abusing her and used her just for sex, he never talked to her nicely. The girl told me that he used to kick her butt and beat her red and blue, She has not told this to anybody and neither tried to get out of this marriage fearing that nobody will marry her again as she is 32 plus now, They are not even able to have child till date after 5 years of marriage, though she craves for child, husband does not want it and says he will never let it happen.
Like this I get many such cases which just shake me in and out and what I don’t understand is many girls are not able to raise their voice inspite of being highly educated and qualified just because they have lost confidence in themselves or their families don’t support them. There are many horrible cases than this which have shaken me after hearing them. I feel sorry for the people who get trapped in such marriages and the best for them is to get out of such relationship as early as possible.
I thought a write-up on the topic of Cheating, Dowry, Domestic violence in marriage might encourage some women to raise their voice or fight against injustice if they get enough good counseling and support. The irony of this is its happening with educated women folks as well. Men off-course too are not spared in same cases thanks to the parents of girls who just want their girls to get married for sake of “So called Izzat in society” and then what follows is a disaster of relationships, disturbed peace and a permanent scar that remains for the rest of your life and also changes your views on relationships. This is the reason why I always stress on match making of complete horoscope instead of just doing gun-milan from kundli softwares. One should always ask the astrologer to do a complete check of the horoscope in terms of promise of marriage and married life, the character of person, the present situation of the person and whether marriage between both will be successful or not.
I know many cases where people talk all good before marriage, show themselves as the most modern, open minded liberal sophisticated people. They are also highly educated holding big degrees from IIT, IIM, Doctors, engineers with rich background but most of them are really dumb and narrow minded when it comes to treating their daughter-in-laws. They show their true colors once marriage happens and start harassing the girl for dowry, staying at home, leaving her career citing various dumb reasons like society and all. Some even go to extent of physical abuse and marital rapes, yet they call themselves the most respected families in the society, they have respect outside but are real losers inside. However, women lusting for money without wanting to do anything is also equally wrong and such women will often fall prey to wrong guys.
Some people are so mean hypocrites that they do not even deserve to get married and have children as their next generation will also raise more such hypocrites if the ladies of these families don’t raise their voice. It is important that a women should stand for herself if she wants to see herself and other women happy, the next generation women will only be happy if you create such a generation. The values and culture should be imbibed in boys more to respect a girl and women.
There is no point in implementing all restrictions only for women when you cannot tame a man to respect women, on one side you raise sex hungry beasts and on other side you trap a women so that she does not get attacked by the beast, he will anyway attack its prey when given a chance, so why not raise men properly ? Both should be taught to respect each other, boys should be brought up in such a way that they respect women and women should be brought up in such a way that they respect families of boys and the boy as well like they do for their families, this will promote a society where both genders can roam freely without need of any restrictions to be put on women.
I request all such girls to stand for themselves and raise their voice, there is no point in marrying such hypocrites who do not know the value of relationships and just use them in the name of izzat and so called society. It is always recommended that you make a career for yourself or be independent at least till some years of marriage if you are highly educated so that you will be well equipped to fight for your right and stand for yourself.
In a nutshell, a house where women is respected and treated well at par with men will always be more happy in terms of everything and you will see well cultured people in reality in such a house. And if you are troubled by any of the above problems like Dowry issues, Physical violence, sexual abuse, mental and physical torture by in-laws please raise your voice and file a complaint against such people, there are many women in such condition who will follow you once you show courage. There are many NGOs and Helpline numbers for you depending on the city you reside in. You can get in touch with them to get out of the trouble if your families are not supporting you.
A good married life and good life partner is something you get by destiny. “Accha Jeevan saathi acche bhagya se hi milta hai”
Coming to the combinations of physical violence, sexual violence, harassment from in-laws, the following astrological pointers can be checked in horoscope.